UPDATE: Hey all.  So, I talked to Tom Voigt, founder of ZodiacKiller.com and all-around Zodiac expert, and he gave me this quote when I asked him about this:

“It’s bullshit.”

Oh well.  Guess we keep looking over our shoulders for the Zodiac Killer…

Hey all.  Michael here.  You know me.  I like my serial killers.  They are just very interesting people, even though I think they should be killed immediately.

But, apparently, there is a NEW Zodiac suspect!  And, this evidence is PRETTY compelling.

We’ll see how it pans out.  Read (and watch) for yourself here.

Hey all.  Michael here.  No, this isn’t a post from 2001.  It is the FOURTH, count ‘em, FOURTH installment (who woulda thunk it?) of THE FAST AND THE FURIOUS.  This time, they took out the “the”s from the title, brought back everyone that didn’t die from the first one, and it actually looks fun.

I really liked the first one, and I actually surprised myself by liking part two as well.  I haven’t seen the third one yet.  Guess I should give it a shot, but my thing is: it has no one from the original.  At least the second one had Paul Walker.

Anyways, check it out.  Let me know what you think.

Hey all.  Michael here.  Well, apparently, proper grammar isn’t something you need to be elected President of the United States.  This is a product available on McCain’s website:

Here is the article from Daily Koz about it.

Oh, and here’s the funniest cartoon I’ve seen all day, just for shits and giggles.

Hey all.  Michael here.  There is this chick named Denise Harvey who apparently lives in Vero Beach.  So, she sleeps with her son’s friend a few times, gets caught somehow, and winds up getting sentenced to THIRTY YEARS for consensual sex.

That is the fucking problem with this country.  It will give murderers and rapists and other violent offenders no time at all for killing or hurting others.  Yet, when it comes to sex, this country is so puritanical that it is going to take 30 years of her life for consensual sex.

I don’t care if the kid was underage.  The kid obviously wanted the sex.  NEWS FLASH!  ALL TEENAGE BOYS WANT IS SEX!  THEY DON’T CARE WITH WHO!  THEY JUST WANT IT!

Here’s the article of her sentencing if you are interested.

This country makes me want to vomit in my mouth.  Obama’s preacher was right.  God damn the United States of America.  God damn us all.

Hey all.  Michael here.  This game is pure awesomeness.  You try to see if you can infect and kill the entire human race with either a virus, a bacteria, or a parasite.  It is VERY difficult to do.  I’ve only completed it so far using specific directions from someone who beat it.  I would love to accomplish it on my own.

Anyways, you can play by clicking here.  But, before you do, there are two tutorials that you should watch in order to be successful at the game and know how to play it.  They are below:

Happy decimating!

Hey all.  Michael here.  So, these are the shows that I care about or new shows I am willing to try out.  If this list is important to me, it should be important to you, too.  =P

Prison Break (Fox) Sept. 1
Shield (FX) Sept. 2
Ghost Hunters (SciFi) Sept. 3
Sons of Anarchy (FX) Sept. 3
Entourage (HBO) Sept. 7
Life & Times of Tim (HBO) Sept. 7
True Blood (HBO) Sept. 7
Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles (Fox) Sept. 8
Fringe (Fox) Sept. 9
House (Fox) Sept. 16
It’s Always Sunny In Philadelphia (FX) Sept. 18
Heroes (NBC) Sept. 22
Grey’s Anatomy (ABC) Sept. 25
My Name Is Earl (NBC) Sept. 25
Office (NBC) Sept. 25
Survivor (CBS) Sept. 25
Amazing Race (CBS) Sept. 28
American Dad (Fox) Sept. 28
Brothers & Sisters (ABC) Sept. 28
Californication (Showtime) Sept. 28
Desperate Housewives (ABC) Sept. 28
Dexter (Showtime) Sept. 28
Family Guy (Fox) Sept. 28
King of the Hill (Fox) Sept. 28
Little Britain USA (HBO) Sept. 28
Simpsons (Fox) Sept. 28
Unit (CBS) Sept. 28
Chuck (NBC) Sept. 29
Dirty Sexy Money (ABC) Oct. 1
Friday Night Lights (DirecTV 101) Oct. 1
Testees (FX) Oct. 9
Eli Stone (ABC) Oct. 14
South Park (CC) Oct. 15
30 Rock (NBC) Oct. 30
Summer Heights High (HBO) Nov. 9

Hey all.  Michael here.  I donated $15 to the Obama/Biden campaign the other day so I could get a first edition Obama/Biden car magnet!  SWEET.  In any case, this ad that Barack just put out is just fucking funny.    I like it when a younger, smarter guy is gonna be president.  As long as you fucking rednecks don’t fuck us over.

Hey all.  Michael here.  Again, I don’t watch the Olympics, what with all the gayness and all.  But, I find it interesting to see just how much Michael Phelps taunted his opponent after winning by only .01 seconds.

Hey all.  Michael here.  I didn’t watch the Olympics.  They are far too boring.  But, I heard about this guy Bolt.  I didn’t think he was THIS fast, though…

Hey all.  Michael here.  I originally sent this out in email form to the entire SRHS graduating class, but I am also posting it here so others may ponder the excruciating event I had to endure.  Here are the comments I’ve received back regarding the email, without giving away the identities of who sent them:

“I am sooo glad I didn’t go. Though no one asked for help, having personally run SEVERAL events for 350-400 people, I could help next time, I believe that we could have done this $20-$35/person and had a better time. All one needs to do is…. Let’s all say it together, “ASK FOR HELP!!!” I would have been glad to help. Next time, let’s do it better”

“Wow, I’m sorry Mike. I really am. I was kinda hoping it was one of those times i would kick myself for not attending. It sucks that it blew so badly. It actually sounded like one of our normal X-mas IB parties. you know, only 1/4 of the class show up.  well… Have a great Sunday.”

“I agree that it was pretty shitty that the creators of this debacle didn’t even show!  But they were about that reliable in HS, hence my staying in Ft. Lauderdale and hanging out with the guy I am seeing.”

“Thanks so much. I wondered how it was. First please dont repost this (EDITOR’S NOTE: I asked if I could repost it.  He/she said yes.), but do you remember our senior prom? Horrindous! Plus, why would they schedual a reunion when school as already started and many people got the hell out of Sebastian. This is the reason I did not attend. So I take it that there is probably not gonna be a 20th? Sorry your time sucked but thanks for speaking out.”

“I went to Hiram’s on Friday. It was ok but last years reunion (class of 97) was so much better. They at least had some organization to it. I’m glad I didn’t spend the money for the “real reunion”. Sounds like it sucked real bad. I think 4 the next one people should put in suggestions and better research should be done. Thanks for making me feel better about not attending the Saturday event.”

“Hi Everyone ~ First of all, my apology for the “reply all” – but I just wanted to clear the air on some of the claims that Mike made in his epic, mind numbing novel.  While I was listed as on the committee, I didn’t have anything to do with the “official” planning of the reunion.  When I heard of the plans/cost, because of what I saw happen to ’97s reunion, I knew it would flop and I tried to get a different plan going but it never happened.  The only thing I did was created that little website to collect everyone’s contact info.  I took it on my own to purchase the domain/hosting before there was even any planning underway, so I was just kind of placed on the committee for those efforts I believe. When I noticed most people weren’t going to attend the VBI thing (including myself) I had a feeling it was not even going to happen because of poor attendance.  So I talked with several people, and they seemed interested in a daytime get together at the beach so I just spread the word for that plan (even though it ended up raining).  If anyone had tickets for VBI, they could easily do both if they wanted, so that it wouldn’t interfere with the planned reunion.  I was trying my best just to get everyone’s email/contact info together, so don’t blame me…”

“kwality! (yes, i realize that it’s spelled quality) but for this little gem, this deserves its own spelling….hence, kawality!”

“OK, I am really sorry that you had to suffer through that but i just had to tell you your e-mail was hilarious!”

“Mike- Hilarious, man… (EDITOR’S NOTE: I am withholding this name.) was reading this off her cell phone aloud to a few of us on sunday.. we were laughing so hard… definitely pushed me over the $85 threshold (meaning i got my 85 bucks worth thanks to this gem)…”

Photograph of the reunion (edited by one of our funny fellow graduates):

“What a train wreck, keep the reply alls coming!”

“Michael…your email served for a great laugh for sure…Regarding the reunion, yeah attendance was what you could call low…but the weekend in general was a lot of fun…Remember, mistakes are only mistakes if repeated…we can learn from this for the big ol’ 15 year and even at $30 a head throw one hell of a party…just think if you start saving now that is only 50 cents a month:) Anyway, (EDITOR’S NOTE: Name withheld.)…love the ad!!  Hope everyone had fun at Hiram’s, SBI, and VBI…or whatever side-event you chose. BTW–I love the reply all’s…they are great for a good laugh in the middle of the day or night as some would have it;) Take care”

As the comments keep coming in, I will update this post with them.    Finally, here is my coup de grace.  Showing my mastery of the English language, enjoy my account of the Sebastian River High School Class of 1998 10-Year Reunion!

“Hello all.  Some of you may know me, some of you may not.  It’s Michael Denninger.  Where do most of you know me from, aside from the IB class?  Well, I gave this some thought, and most of you probably know me as the white guy that did the announcements freshman year.  Yeah, that was me.

Anyways, after last night’s fun-filled experience, I decided to write an email to the graduating class because, well, frankly, I’ve got some things to say, and I can’t wait until Thursday and unload it all on my shrink.

First, and foremost, I want to thank the organizers of the reunion, as stated in the book I paid $10 for:

Kristin Westberg (Zaleuke)
Melissa Kremser (Gage)
Chrissy (EDITOR’S NOTE: I was asked to remove the last name due to possible Google searches.)
Alexis Forward

Now, some of you haters like to blame them for you not coming to the reunion because of various reasons such as it cost too much…well, actually, that’s the only reason I heard out of anyone.  So, we’ll stick with that.

I have to say that the cost is not their fault.  Sure, they should have done more research into the company that put the reunion on, First Class Reunions.  Sure, they should have maybe looked around for a cheaper alternative so more people would come.

But, listen, it was their first (and probably last) time trying to plan a reunion.  So, I don’t blame them for the lameness of the reunion, which I shall get to, itself.

I do, however, blame them for not showing up.

Not one of the four organizers showed up, though I believe two of them paid.  As an organizer of an event, if you show no enthusiasm towards the event itself, it’s hard to get everyone else excited about it.  I’ve organized events.  I know what hell it can be.  But, at the same time, you not showing up is definitely not going to entice others to show up.  Hell, one of the organizers was contacted via text during the reunion and was told that it was pretty lame.  She replied “Why do you think I’m not there?”

Now, let’s talk about the rumors that have been swirling around this thing:

Mr. Stutzke offered to do the reunion for $30 per head, and the organizers turned him down
Now, I am hearing this third-hand, so I can’t comment too much on it.  However, knowing Mr. Stutzke for 16 years or so now, I can say that does sound exactly like something he would say and offer to do for us.  But, without talking to him directly myself, I can not put this rumor to rest.

An alterna-reunion was happening at the same time as the scheduled reunion at the Sebastian Beach Inn
Again, without talking to the people, I can’t verify the authenticity of this claim.  However, I have it from good sources, same as the Stutzke thing, that it actually happened.

That is a pretty shitty thing to do.  I understood the Hirams thing, and the stupid thing happening right now at the Sebastian Beach Inn (again), but to schedule something at the exact same time of the real reunion, which definitely took people who may have shown up away from it?  That’s a really shitty thing to do, actually.  I’m all for providing alternatives, but…that was pretty fucked up.  And, I do believe that one of the “real” reunion’s organizers scheduled the alternative.  Seriously.

Well, that’s all the rumors I can remember right now.  Maybe more later.

(Betcha didn’t know you were gonna be reading a novel, did ya?)  =P

Let’s talk about the events of last night…

So, I get there with my wife.  I immediately realize we are doomed.  How?  Well, there are approximately 20 to 30 name badges that the guy has.  Out of a possible, what, 250 or so.  So, that was my first clue.  Second, the sheet to sign that I got my book had the same number of names on it as badges.

Oh, did I forget to mention that there were six tables with eight seats around them?  That meant that the most the reunion company was expecting was 48 out of a possible 500 or so (if you assume everyone would bring a guest).

Houston, we have a problem.

I walk into the bar around 7:15pm.  Already there that I recognize are Doc Crocetta, Nat Roodhouse, Rose Brickles, and Andy Oliver, plus guests.  Good times.  Andy says hi.  My wife and I sit down and start mocking the book that I paid $10 for.

Finally, Brad Hawk-Keie, Robin Ellison, Jared Dunne, Melissa Murray, and Jeremy Guist show up.

Now, we are almost at the planned capacity!  Woo-hoo!

The DJ starts asking us to come to the main room (which meant leaving the bar, which some of our classmates were seemingly dreading).  My wife and I decide to go out there, hoping they’ll serve dinner soon and this atrocity can be over already.

We are walking out, and the guy who signed us in to the reunion said “Awesome!  Glad you guys are coming out!  Now maybe everyone will follow!”

Obviously, this guy doesn’t know my ranking in the social food chain.

We sit down.  We wait.

Only when they announce the food is ready does everyone come out (I don’t blame them.  Drowning the knowledge that you paid $85 a person, plus $10 a book, for this shindig is understandable).

So, everyone eats.  Yay.  Good times.  Let’s see…what did they have?

Rolls!

Mashed potatoes!

A myriad of vegetables mixed together!

Butter!

Something that, apparently, passed for chicken!

Something that looked like Alpo, but was most likely some kind of beef!

Mmm…seriously, folks, I don’t know how I resisted and stuck to the mashed potatoes.

So, dinner’s over.  They bring out a tray of desserts.  Some pie slices and whatnot.  Apparently, it wasn’t so bad.

Oh, and the beverages!  I forgot to mention the glorious beverages!

Um, they had lemonade, tea, or coffee.

Yippee.

And the music selection was quite varied.  Stuff from before we were in high school, stuff during we were in high school, and stuff after.  As well as this long, drawn-out, tango-ish, classical number that they switched to during dinner.  It was very odd, indeed.

So, then they take our class photo!  Exciting!  At this point, the last person who was going to show up has shown up.  So, the, what was it, 13 of us go and sit down on the dance floor for pictures.

This number of classmates you expect to see at your 75th reunion.  At your 10th?  Embarrassing.

Then, the video plays.  Ah, the video.  The saving grace of the night?  I, being a video production person by trade, was eagerly anticipating this.  How bad could it possibly be?

I only knew how bad it was going to be once I saw the VHS logo on screen.

Yes, folks.  In the age of DVDs or playing video files off the computer, this guy…this First Class Reunions…played our video on VHS, a dead format.

The narration was something from the 60s.  I don’t know who it was.  But it was bad.  There was no narration even necessary.  Not to mention the copyright infringement this guy probably broke by taking this VH1 1998 special and clipping things from it.

Any novice with a home computer and some editing software could have done a better job.  The guy literally just took like a video camera (probably VHS…one of those bulky ones you haven’t seen since 1993) and videotaped the pictures we sent in to him or our yearbook.

It was, by far, the worst video I have ever seen.

After this debacle, they start giving out awards for such things as:

LONGEST MARRIED
SHORTEST MARRIED
MOST KIDS
YOUNGEST KID

Actually, not such things.  That was it.  He literally handed you an award and told you to write your name on it.

At this point, the evening is obviously done, but I don’t know that anyone wanted to admit to it yet.  No one wanted to admit to themselves “Is that really it?  Is that my ten-year high school reunion?”

But, alas, we eventually had to.  Most of us headed to Riverside Cafe and watched Michael Phelps win his eighth gold medal (BORING) and have some drinks.

I apologize if I didn’t name you as being there.  I didn’t know a few of the people who were there, so if I didn’t drop your name in this email, don’t take offense.  I believe there were three to four other graduates there that I didn’t recognize.

I just have to say that I never imagined that the reunion would be this bad.  I wasn’t expecting much.  Not at all.  But, this thing was horrible.

I do think that is all I have to say at this point in time.  If you’ve read this far, thanks for sticking with me.  Hope you have a great Sunday!”